[ Vane blinks, and is quiet for a long moment. Then there is the sound of movement as he settles into a chair. And a glass being poured, even early in the morning. ]
Have I?
[ He tries to think back to the last few weeks, his interactions with Vax have been a little less than normal, is it that the other means, or something else? ]
I guess I haven't seen you around so much after Samhain but...
You should probably know I'm on tanglethorn right now, which makes it a lot easier for me to express things I'll normally let lie. That's why you're only hearing about it now.
[ That makes Vane pause, licking his lips as he thinks back to the last time Vax was on the drug. The night he let Vax tie him up. Trusted him. ]
I really hadn't noticed. [ He at least sounds sincere about that as he tries to think back about how he has acted differently lately. Nothing really comes to mind. And that doesn't exactly make this talk easier. He takes a breath. ]
What do you want me to do instead?
[ Vane is a practical man, focused more on solving issues rather than trying to figure out what is wrong in the first place. ]
[Vax doesn't necessarily think this is the best approach. When someone's entire demeanor is changed, just telling them specific things to do differently usually doesn't work.]
I'm not really sure I know how to answer that. You've been...I dunno. Softer. Like all your rough edges got smoothed off at once.
[ Vane blinks. And then swallows. He thinks back to their interactions lately. When Vax had come over, wanting to just be used. He sighs. Vax is right. He finishes the glass of rum and then pours himself another. And finishes that one as well. ]
You're right. I guess I have done that. I'll stop.
[Vax is definitely feeling like he's done something wrong, which irritates him in this state. But he does his best to bite down on it.]
I don't want you to...feel bad or anything. Or like you've disappointed me, I guess? I just haven't really known how to deal with you. I knew how to deal with rough you.
[ He knows what Vax just said but even so Van does feel like he has disappointed him or gone back on a deal they had or something like that. And if vax was being honest maybe so could he... ]
I don't know Vax. I just... [ Fuck he knows this is probably going to be a turn off for the half-elf ] I don't want to be all rough with you and only care about what I get. I actually want you to get something out of our time together too. I've seen people accept being used and abused because they think they can't fight it, or because that is all they deserve or that is how things should be. So I guess that is why I've been soft because I am scared of breaking you.
[Turn-off or not, this all actually makes perfect sense to him, and actually, it's good. Vax has a chance to talk to him about it now, clear it up.]
You're not gonna break me. I promise. I mean, not to be a dick, but better arseholes than you have tried. Recently. And I'm okay.
The thing is, we play like it's all for your pleasure and you don't care what I want, but I know that you actually do. I know you'd stop the moment I ever said so. I've said before that something didn't or wouldn't feel good and you listened. Or, more importantly, I've been unable to say something didn't feel good and you noticed without needing to be told because you pay attention. The reason I want to spend time with you is that I do trust that you care.
But what gives me pleasure is giving others pleasure. I won't pretend that couldn't possibly be because I have been abused in the past, but I don't really think it matters. It's who I am now, and I'm happy with it.
[ Vane is quiet for a long moment. He isn't sure what to say about it. How to process what Vax just told him. He licks his lips and starts saying something multiple times before he finally gets a sound out. ]
You promise to tell me if that changes? If I push too far or something changes?
I ...
I was a slave. I grew up as one. The man who owned me he liked to... well you can guess I am sure. Just always for what he wanted, he never gave a shit about the kids.
And I don't want to do anything to you that crosses that line. I want you to enjoy what we are doing, and I guess I tried to make sure of that the wrong way.
I know. And I get that, the...being fucking terrified of doing that to someone else. I'm the same way, if I'm running things I can't really deal with like, even the slightest resistance cause immediately I think that I'm actually forcing them and...well, it's shitty. So I understand the feeling and I don't want to do that to you.
I promise to tell you if anything changes. Or, try.
I'm glad we're having this conversation now, cause a couple of months ago I might not have been able to make that promise and mean it. But I'm getting better at things like this recently. I've been working really hard at it, actually.
If it changes and you can't tell me, tell your wife. I am sure she will make sure I don't fuck up again. [ She seems as fond and protective of Vax as he is of her. And Vane respects her ]
That is good. It's... Telling people what you want and not accepting things you don't want is hard. Took me years. [ He is not entirely sure he is over it entirely. But alright, enough about the past. ]
Alright, so what you would like is some more roughness again? The slaps and spanking and all that? Tying you up too?
Sort of, yeah. In general just don't treat me like glass. Not just when we're fucking, either. Even when we're in public just running into each other it feels like you're trying to wrap me in cotton sometimes. [That's probably not how he'd have put it ten minutes ago, but now they've gotten on the 'don't want to hurt you' thread, it feels like as good a way as any to express it.]
[ He is at least going to try. He pours himself another drink. How the fuck did he end up here. This was so much easier when he didn't fucking care. Maybe that is what he should go back to, it sounds tempting, doesn't it. ]
[Vax isn't completely happy with how this has gone. He didn't want to make Vane feel like he was doing anything wrong, and he can hear those drinks being poured. He feels safe guessing that Vane isn't suddenly really dedicated to proper hydration.]
I get why you got different with me. I do. You didn't want to hurt me, and I...that means more to me than you probably know.
But I fucked things up by doing so. It won't happen again. [ He is planning to do his damn best to make sure he can actually stick to that. No fucking things up with Vax. ]
You alright though? Besides that. The Tanglethorn is taken care of?
Tie you up with vines? It wasn't a bad look for either one of you, you know.
And I like to be sure. I'd hate for you to feel... desperate. [ You can hear the grin in Vane's words at that. Teasing, trying to see if he can rile Vax up or if the half-elf won't take the bait. ]
You can't blame a man for trying, Vax, you'd do the same if it was me on that pollen.
[Or Vax would already be on his bed.
He takes a breath and then nods. It is probably best not to go see Vax when he is on this, it is a little harder to be rougher with him them after all. ]
Alright, let me know when you're back to your old self and I am going to make sure you get a taste of the rougher side of me again.
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timeasmymeasure
voice;
Date: 2019-11-19 06:19 am (UTC)Have I?
[ He tries to think back to the last few weeks, his interactions with Vax have been a little less than normal, is it that the other means, or something else? ]
I guess I haven't seen you around so much after Samhain but...
no subject
Date: 2019-11-19 06:20 am (UTC)You should probably know I'm on tanglethorn right now, which makes it a lot easier for me to express things I'll normally let lie. That's why you're only hearing about it now.
no subject
Date: 2019-11-19 06:31 am (UTC)I really hadn't noticed. [ He at least sounds sincere about that as he tries to think back about how he has acted differently lately. Nothing really comes to mind. And that doesn't exactly make this talk easier. He takes a breath. ]
What do you want me to do instead?
[ Vane is a practical man, focused more on solving issues rather than trying to figure out what is wrong in the first place. ]
no subject
Date: 2019-11-19 06:52 am (UTC)I'm not really sure I know how to answer that. You've been...I dunno. Softer. Like all your rough edges got smoothed off at once.
no subject
Date: 2019-11-19 07:00 am (UTC)You're right. I guess I have done that. I'll stop.
no subject
Date: 2019-11-19 10:24 am (UTC)I don't want you to...feel bad or anything. Or like you've disappointed me, I guess? I just haven't really known how to deal with you. I knew how to deal with rough you.
I feel like I'm being an asshole.
no subject
Date: 2019-11-19 10:56 am (UTC)[ He knows what Vax just said but even so Van does feel like he has disappointed him or gone back on a deal they had or something like that. And if vax was being honest maybe so could he... ]
I don't know Vax. I just... [ Fuck he knows this is probably going to be a turn off for the half-elf ] I don't want to be all rough with you and only care about what I get. I actually want you to get something out of our time together too. I've seen people accept being used and abused because they think they can't fight it, or because that is all they deserve or that is how things should be. So I guess that is why I've been soft because I am scared of breaking you.
no subject
Date: 2019-11-19 08:13 pm (UTC)You're not gonna break me. I promise. I mean, not to be a dick, but better arseholes than you have tried. Recently. And I'm okay.
The thing is, we play like it's all for your pleasure and you don't care what I want, but I know that you actually do. I know you'd stop the moment I ever said so. I've said before that something didn't or wouldn't feel good and you listened. Or, more importantly, I've been unable to say something didn't feel good and you noticed without needing to be told because you pay attention. The reason I want to spend time with you is that I do trust that you care.
But what gives me pleasure is giving others pleasure. I won't pretend that couldn't possibly be because I have been abused in the past, but I don't really think it matters. It's who I am now, and I'm happy with it.
cw: underage rape and slavery
Date: 2019-11-19 08:56 pm (UTC)You promise to tell me if that changes? If I push too far or something changes?
I ...
I was a slave. I grew up as one. The man who owned me he liked to... well you can guess I am sure. Just always for what he wanted, he never gave a shit about the kids.
And I don't want to do anything to you that crosses that line. I want you to enjoy what we are doing, and I guess I tried to make sure of that the wrong way.
no subject
Date: 2019-11-19 09:17 pm (UTC)I promise to tell you if anything changes. Or, try.
I'm glad we're having this conversation now, cause a couple of months ago I might not have been able to make that promise and mean it. But I'm getting better at things like this recently. I've been working really hard at it, actually.
no subject
Date: 2019-11-20 07:31 am (UTC)That is good. It's... Telling people what you want and not accepting things you don't want is hard. Took me years. [ He is not entirely sure he is over it entirely. But alright, enough about the past. ]
Alright, so what you would like is some more roughness again? The slaps and spanking and all that? Tying you up too?
no subject
Date: 2019-11-20 07:38 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-11-20 09:33 am (UTC)Alright. I am sorry about that, I'll do better.
[ He is at least going to try. He pours himself another drink. How the fuck did he end up here. This was so much easier when he didn't fucking care. Maybe that is what he should go back to, it sounds tempting, doesn't it. ]
I'll try next time I see you around.
no subject
Date: 2019-11-21 09:51 pm (UTC)I get why you got different with me. I do. You didn't want to hurt me, and I...that means more to me than you probably know.
no subject
Date: 2019-11-23 10:04 pm (UTC)You alright though? Besides that. The Tanglethorn is taken care of?
no subject
Date: 2019-11-24 12:01 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-11-24 05:40 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-11-24 06:03 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-11-24 06:09 pm (UTC)And I like to be sure. I'd hate for you to feel... desperate. [ You can hear the grin in Vane's words at that. Teasing, trying to see if he can rile Vax up or if the half-elf won't take the bait. ]
no subject
Date: 2019-11-24 09:13 pm (UTC)Yeah, I'm sure the question was completely altruistic. [Casual as you please:] Don't be a greedy slut, pretty.
no subject
Date: 2019-11-25 08:43 pm (UTC)[Or Vax would already be on his bed.
He takes a breath and then nods. It is probably best not to go see Vax when he is on this, it is a little harder to be rougher with him them after all. ]
Alright, let me know when you're back to your old self and I am going to make sure you get a taste of the rougher side of me again.
no subject
Date: 2019-11-25 09:36 pm (UTC)Good. I'll look you up. Can't wait, Chazzy.